更新时间：作者：小小条
八五年的冬天，雪下得特别大，几乎封了山。
我叫陈勇，那年刚满十七，高中读了一半，家里穷，交不起学费，就辍了学。
爹在镇上的煤矿挖煤，娘在家种几分薄田，养着猪。我呢，就成了家里的闲人，每天跟着村里的二叔学点木匠活，顺便揽些杂活，比如给村里人送送柴火什么的。
林慧是我们村小学的老师，也是我曾经的老师。
她不是我们村的人，听说是从省城分配下来的大学生，来了有两年了。
她一个人住在学校分的宿舍里，就在学校最后排那间小屋。
人长得好看，白净，说话声音也好听，跟村里那些大嗓门的媳妇们完全不一样。村里的半大小子们，没少在背后议论她。
那天下午，雪稍微小了点。我娘让我给林老师送些干柴过去。
“林老师一个单身女人，又是城里来的，怕是不知道怎么拾掇这些。你去，给她劈好，码在墙角。”娘一边给我拍打着身上的雪，一边絮叨。
我“嗯”了一声，挑起两大捆晒得干透的松木柴，深一脚浅一脚地往学校走。
雪地里走起来特别费劲，等我到学校时，已经是一身的热汗。
学校里静悄悄的，学生们早就放学回家了。
我走到那间小屋门口，门虚掩着，能听到里面有“哗啦啦”的水声。
我有些犹豫，不知道该不该敲门。
“谁呀？”屋里传来林老师的声音，带着一丝水汽，听起来有些朦朦胧胧的。
“林老师，是我，陈勇。我娘让我给您送些柴火来。”我站在门口，大声说。
“是陈勇啊。”她的声音近了些，好像走到了门后，“门没锁，你先进来吧，柴放墙角就行。我……我正在洗澡，不方便开门。”
我的脸“腾”地一下就红了。
洗澡。
这两个字像是有魔力，在我脑子里炸开了。
我推开门，一股夹杂着水汽和皂角香味的热气扑面而来。
屋子不大，一眼就能看全。外间是床和一张书桌，书桌上整整齐齐地码着书本和作业本。里间用一道布帘子隔开了，水声就是从那里传来的。
我把柴火轻轻放在墙角，想着赶紧离开。
“陈勇，你等一下。”帘子后面，林老师忽然又开口了。
我停下脚步，心跳得厉害。
“能不能……帮我个忙？”她的声音听起来有些为难。
“老师您说。”我赶紧应道。
“我这水有点凉了，炉子上的水应该开了，你帮我往桶里添点热水，行吗？”
我整个人都懵了。
让我进去……帮她添水？
“我……我……”我结巴了，不知道该怎么回答。
“没事的，你把水拎到帘子这儿，递给我就行。”她好像知道我在想什么，解释了一句。
我定了定神，看到墙角的煤炉上果然坐着一个“咕嘟咕嘟”冒着热气的大水壶。
我走过去，用布垫着手，把滚烫的水壶拎了起来。很沉。
我拎到布帘子前，站住。
“老师，水来了。”
“你……你直接进来吧。我够不着。”她的声音更低了。
我的脑子“嗡”的一声。
我咽了口唾沫，感觉嗓子干得冒烟。
我咬了咬牙，一只手拎着水壶，一只手掀开了那道蓝色的布帘。
帘子后面，是一个更大的木桶。
林老师就坐在木桶里，整个身子都埋在水里，只露出一个肩膀和湿漉漉的头发。
她背对着我，桶里的水面浮着一层薄薄的泡沫。
屋里更热了，蒸汽缭绕，我几乎看不清她的脸，只能看到她白皙的脖颈，还有几缕贴在上面的湿发。
我的脸肯定红得像猪肝。
我不敢抬头，眼睛只敢盯着自己脚下的那片地。
“倒……倒水吧，小心点，别烫着。”林老师的声音有些发颤。
我“哦”了一声，笨手笨脚地把壶嘴对准木桶，滚烫的热水“哗”地一下倒了进去。
“够了够了！”她轻呼一声。
我赶紧收手，却因为太紧张，水壶一歪，几滴热水溅到了我的手背上，烫得我一哆嗦。
“嘶……”我咧了咧嘴。
“怎么了？烫到了？”她立刻转过头来。
也就在那一瞬间，我看到了她的脸。
没有戴眼镜，脸上挂着水珠，被热气熏得红扑扑的，像是熟透了的苹果。
她看着我，眼神里有关切，也有一丝我看不懂的东西。
我赶紧低下头，“没事，没事。”
“让我看看。”她说着，竟然从水里伸出了一只胳it's an arm to see.
It was white and slender, with water droplets rolling down it like pearls on a jade plate.
My gaze followed her hand and landed on my own red, swollen hand.
Her fingers were a bit cold, and when they touched my skin, it was like a jolt of electricity shot through my body.
"It's all red," she frowned, her voice full of concern. "There's some burn ointment on the table outside. Go get it and apply some."
"It's okay, really," I stammered, pulling my hand back as if I had been electrocuted.
I didn't dare to stay a second longer. I turned around and rushed out from behind the curtain.
"Remember to apply the ointment!" Her voice came from behind me.
I didn't answer. I put the kettle back on the stove, and fled from her room as if I was running for my life.
The cold wind outside hit my face, and my burning cheeks finally cooled down a bit.
I ran all the way home, my heart pounding like a drum.
The scene behind the curtain kept replaying in my mind. Her back, her shoulders, her face flushed from the heat...
That night, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep.
The next day, I didn't dare to go out. I locked myself in my room, pretending to be sick.
My mom came in and touched my forehead, muttering, "You're not hot. What's wrong with this kid?"
I didn't say a word.
I was afraid of seeing Teacher Lin. I didn't know how to face her.
Did she do it on purpose? Or was she just being practical, not thinking too much about it, seeing me as just a kid?
I couldn't figure it out.
This went on for two days. On the third day, I couldn't stay at home any longer. My dad came back from the mine and would definitely beat me if he saw me being idle.
I got up early and went to the mountain with my axe to chop wood, deliberately avoiding the path that passed by the school.
I worked all day, exhausting myself, hoping to forget about that incident.
But it was useless. The more I tried to forget, the clearer the image became in my mind.
In the evening, when I was carrying a load of firewood home, I met her on the road.
She was walking towards me, holding a stack of homework.
My heart tightened, and I wanted to turn around and run.
But the road was so narrow that I had nowhere to run.
"Chen Yong," she called out to me first.
Her voice was calm, as if nothing had happened.
I had to stop. I lowered my head and mumbled, "Teacher Lin."
"Why haven't I seen you these past two days?" she asked, walking up to me.
"I... I've been busy at home," I lied.
She looked at me, then her eyes fell on my hand. "Did you apply the ointment? Does it still hurt?"
My heart warmed up.
It turned out she still remembered.
"I did. It doesn't hurt anymore," I said, my voice a little hoarse.
"That's good," she smiled, a very gentle smile. "Oh, by the way, I haven't paid you for the firewood last time."
She started to fumble in her pocket.
"No need, no need," I said hurriedly. "It's just a little firewood. It's nothing."
"That won't do," she said seriously. "Your family is not well-off either. You work hard for this money. I can't take advantage of you."
She pulled out a few crumpled bills and stuffed them into my hand.
"Take it. It's not much, but it's what you deserve."
I held the money. It was warm, with her body temperature.
"Thank you, Teacher Lin," I said in a low voice.
"You're welcome," she said. "I have to go back and correct homework. You should go home early too."
She smiled at me again, then walked past me.
I stood there for a long time, watching her figure disappear into the twilight.
The knot in my heart seemed to have loosened a little.
Maybe I was the one who was overthinking it. She was a teacher, a good person. She was just concerned about me as a student.
From that day on, our interactions gradually became more frequent.
Sometimes, when I went to the mountains to chop wood, I would bring her some wild fruits.
Sometimes, she would ask me to help her with some heavy work, like carrying water or moving things.
Every time I went, she would insist on paying me, but I never took it.
I enjoyed the feeling of being needed by her.
I learned that her name was Lin Hui. Her family was in the provincial capital. She had come to our poor village to teach because she had some conflict with her family.
She didn't talk much about her family, and I didn't ask.
I just felt that she was lonely.
A city girl, alone in this remote mountain village, with no one to talk to.
I wanted to be nice to her, to make her feel a little warmer.
One afternoon, I was helping her fix the fence in her yard.
We were chatting while we worked.
She asked me about my studies.
"Why did you drop out of school?" she asked. "Your grades were pretty good."
I lowered my head and said, "My family is poor. We can't afford it."
There was a moment of silence.
"What a pity," she said softly. "You are a smart kid. You should go to school."
My eyes stung.
No one had ever said that to me before. My dad always said that studying was useless, that it was better to learn a trade and earn money.
"It's okay," I said, forcing a smile. "I can learn carpentry from my uncle. I can still support myself."
She looked at me, her eyes full of sympathy.
"Chen Yong," she said suddenly. "How about this? You can come to my place at night. I'll tutor you. You can't let your studies go to waste."
I was stunned.
"Tutor me?"
"Yes," she nodded. "I'm free at night anyway. It's better than doing nothing."
My heart was filled with a huge sense of joy.
"Really? That's great! Thank you, Teacher Lin!" I said excitedly.
So, from that day on, I would go to her place every night to study.
She was a very patient teacher. She would explain the difficult problems to me over and over again until I understood.
Under the dim yellow light, I would do my exercises, and she would sit opposite me, quietly correcting her students' homework.
Sometimes, I would secretly look up at her.
Her long eyelashes, the bridge of her nose, the way she pursed her lips when she was thinking... everything about her fascinated me.
I felt that those were the happiest days of my life.
But good times don't last long.
The gossip in the village started to spread.
"Hey, have you heard? That Chen Yong from the Chen family goes to Teacher Lin's place every night."
"Really? A young man and a young woman, what can they be doing?"
"Who knows? That Teacher Lin is a city girl. Maybe she's more open-minded."
The words became more and more unpleasant.
I didn't care what they said about me, but I was afraid that it would damage Teacher Lin's reputation.
I thought about not going anymore, but I couldn't bear to.
I cherished the time I spent with her too much.
One night, when I was leaving her place, I was blocked by a few young men from the village.
The leader was Zhao Lei, a notorious troublemaker.
"Yo, isn't this our future top student?" Zhao Lei said mockingly. "Leaving the teacher's house so late at night? What did you learn?"
The others laughed along.
I clenched my fists and glared at him. "Get out of my way."
"What's the rush?" Zhao Lei sneered. "Tell us, what's the relationship between you and that Teacher Lin? Are you two having an affair?"
"Don't you dare talk nonsense!" I roared. "Teacher Lin is tutoring me! Don't you dare slander her!"
"Tutoring? Who are you kidding?" Zhao Lei laughed. "I think you're tutoring her in bed, right?"
"You're asking for it!" I couldn't take it anymore. I threw a punch at him.
We started fighting.
I was outnumbered, and soon I was beaten to the ground.
They kicked and punched me, and my head was buzzing.
Just then, a sharp voice came.
"Stop! What are you doing?!"
It was Teacher Lin.
She rushed over and stood in front of me, shielding me with her body.
"Zhao Lei! You guys are going too far!" she shouted, her voice trembling with anger.
Zhao Lei and his gang were stunned for a moment. They probably didn't expect her to come out.
"Teacher Lin," Zhao Lei said with a smirk. "We're just teaching this kid a lesson. He's not respectful to his elders."
"You're the one who should be taught a lesson!" Teacher Lin's eyes were red. "If you don't leave now, I'll report you to the village chief!"
Zhao Lei's expression changed. He knew that the village chief was a serious man.
He gave me a hateful look, then said to his men, "Let's go!"
After they left, Teacher Lin quickly helped me up.
"Chen Yong, are you okay? Where are you hurt?" she asked anxiously, checking my injuries.
I had bruises all over my face and body, and my mouth was bleeding.
"I'm fine," I said, shaking my head.
Tears welled up in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice choked with sobs. "It's all my fault. I've implicated you."
Seeing her cry, my heart ached.
"It's not your fault, Teacher Lin," I said hurriedly. "It's them. They're just a bunch of bastards."
She took out a handkerchief and gently wiped the blood from the corner of my mouth.
Her touch was so gentle, so careful.
At that moment, I had an impulse to pull her into my arms and protect her forever.
But I didn't dare.
I was just a poor boy from a rural village. What right did I have to protect her?
That incident caused a huge uproar in the village.
The rumors became even more rampant.
Some people said that they saw Teacher Lin and me hugging each other in the dark.
Some people said that I was beaten because I got Teacher Lin pregnant and refused to take responsibility.
The words were so ugly that they were unbearable to hear.
The school principal also talked to Teacher Lin.
I didn't know what they talked about, but after that, her mood was very low.
She didn't let me go to her place for tutoring anymore.
She said she was afraid of causing more trouble.
When we met on the road, she would just nod at me from a distance and then walk away quickly.
My heart felt empty, as if something had been taken away.
I knew that we couldn't go back to the way we were before.
A few days later, I heard that Teacher Lin had resigned.
She was leaving the village.
My mind went blank.
I ran to the school like a madman, wanting to ask her if it was true.
When I got to her dormitory, the door was locked.
I knocked for a long time, but no one answered.
I waited at the door all afternoon, until it was dark.
Finally, she came back.
She looked very tired, and her eyes were red and swollen, as if she had been crying.
When she saw me, she was stunned for a moment.
"Chen Yong, why are you here?"
"Teacher Lin," I said, my voice hoarse. "I heard... you're leaving?"
She didn't answer, but just lowered her head and unlocked the door.
"Come in," she said softly.
I followed her into the room.
The room was a mess. Things were packed into boxes and bags. It looked like she was really leaving.
"Is it because of me?" I asked, my voice trembling.
She turned to look at me, and tears streamed down her face.
"No," she shook her head. "It's not your fault."
"Then why are you leaving?" I pressed. "Is it because of the gossip? Don't listen to them! They're just talking nonsense!"
"It's not just that," she said, with a bitter smile. "I'm tired. I want to go home."
Home.
Yes, this was not her home. Her home was in the city.
"Then... when are you leaving?" I asked, my heart sinking.
"The day after tomorrow."
The day after tomorrow. So soon.
We were silent for a long time.
The air in the room was heavy and oppressive.
"Chen Yong," she said suddenly. "I have something to tell you."
I looked at her.
"Actually... I have a fiancé," she said, her voice very low. "He's in the provincial capital. My family arranged it for me. I came here to teach because I wanted to escape the marriage."
My heart felt like it had been stabbed by a knife.
Fiancé.
So she already had someone she was going to marry.
All my fantasies were shattered at that moment.
"But," she continued, "I don't love him. I've never even met him."
She looked at me, her eyes full of pain.
"I know it's not fair to you," she said, "but I... I really like the time I spent with you. You're a good kid. You're kind, and you're willing to learn. You will have a bright future."
"Don't go," I blurted out, grabbing her hand. "Teacher Lin, don't go."
Her hand was cold.
She looked at me, and tears flowed down her face again.
"It's too late," she said, shaking her head. "I've already submitted my resignation. And... my family has already sent someone to pick me up."
"I can talk to them!" I said anxiously. "I can tell them you don't want to go back!"
"It's useless," she said with a sad smile. "You don't understand my family. They won't listen to me, let alone you."
She gently pulled her hand away.
"Chen Yong, forget about me," she said. "You should have a better life. Go back to school. Go to university. Get out of this village."
She walked to the desk, took out a thick envelope from a drawer, and handed it to me.
"Here's some money," she said. "It's not much, but it should be enough for you to go back to school. Take it as... a gift from me."
I didn't take it.
I just stood there, staring at her, my heart in turmoil.
"I don't want your money," I said, my voice hoarse. "I just want you to stay."
She cried.
She cried so hard, like a helpless child.
I had never seen her like this before.
I couldn't help but step forward and hug her.
Her body was so thin, so fragile.
She buried her head in my chest and cried her heart out.
I held her tightly, as if I wanted to melt her into my body.
I didn't know how long we hugged.
It felt like a century.
Finally, she stopped crying.
She looked up at me, her eyes red and swollen.
"Chen Yong," she said, her voice choked with sobs. "Promise me, you will live a good life. For me."
I looked into her eyes, and I saw a deep sense of despair and helplessness.
I knew that I couldn't keep her.
I nodded, my tears finally falling.
"I promise."
The day she left, I didn't go to see her off.
I was afraid that I would break down and cry, that I would beg her to stay.
I hid on the mountain behind the village and watched the car that came to pick her up drive away, getting smaller and smaller, until it disappeared at the end of the road.
My heart was empty.
It was as if my whole world had been taken away.
After she left, I went back to school.
I used the money she gave me to pay for my tuition.
I studied hard, day and night.
I remembered what she had said to me. She wanted me to have a bright future.
I had to live up to her expectations.
Three years later, I was admitted to a university in the provincial capital.
The day I got my admission letter, I went to her old dormitory.
The room was empty. A new teacher had moved in.
I stood there for a long time, as if I could still smell her scent in the air.
Teacher Lin, I did it. I'm going to university.
I'm going to the city where you are.
Will I see you again?
I came to the provincial capital with hope and apprehension.
It was a big city, much bigger and more prosperous than our small town.
I looked for her everywhere.
I went to the Education Bureau to inquire about her, but they said they had no record of a teacher named Lin Hui.
I realized that she might have used a fake name when she was teaching in our village.
The hope in my heart was extinguished little by little.
The city was so big, and the crowd was so vast. How could I find a person who didn't want to be found?
I graduated from university and found a job in the city.
I worked hard and saved money.
I got married and had children.
My life seemed to be on the right track, just like she had hoped.
But deep down, there was always a corner of my heart that belonged to her.
I would often think of her, of that winter in 1985, of the girl who asked me to help her add water to her bath.
She was like a shooting star that had streaked across my youth, leaving a bright and beautiful mark.
Time flew by, and in the blink of an eye, twenty years had passed.
I was almost forty years old.
My career was successful, and my family was happy.
I had become a middle-aged man who was polished and sophisticated.
I thought I had already forgotten her.
Until one day, I went on a business trip to another city.
In a coffee shop, I saw a familiar figure.
She was sitting by the window, quietly reading a book.
The sunlight shone on her face, making her look serene and beautiful.
My heart stopped beating for a moment.
It was her.
Lin Hui.
She had changed, but not much.
There were a few fine lines at the corners of her eyes, but she was still as beautiful and elegant as ever.
I stood there for a long time, not daring to go forward.
I didn't know what to say.
Should I ask her if she still remembered the boy who delivered firewood to her?
Should I ask her how she had been all these years?
Just as I was hesitating, she looked up and saw me.
She was stunned for a moment, then a look of surprise appeared on her face.
"Chen Yong?" she called out uncertainly.
I walked over, my heart pounding.
"Teacher Lin," I said, my voice a little hoarse. "It's me."
She stood up, her eyes wide with disbelief.
"It's really you," she said, her voice trembling slightly. "I can't believe it."
We sat down and talked for a long time.
I learned that she had indeed been forced to marry her fiancé back then.
But she had a very unhappy marriage.
Her husband was a powerful man who didn't love her at all. He just treated her as a decoration.
A few years later, she couldn't take it anymore and divorced him.
After the divorce, she left her hometown and came to this city alone. She opened a small bookstore and lived a quiet life.
"What about you?" she asked. "How have you been all these years?"
I told her about my life, about how I went to university, found a job, and got married.
When she heard that I had a happy family, a smile appeared on her face.
"That's good," she said softly. "I'm happy for you."
We talked until it was dark.
When we were about to leave, she suddenly said, "Chen Yong, thank you."
I was stunned. "Thank me for what?"
"Thank you for appearing in my life back then," she said, her eyes a little red. "You were like a ray of sunshine that lit up my darkest days."
My eyes welled up with tears.
It turned out that I was not the only one who had been cherishing that memory.
We exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.
After that, we would often chat on the phone.
We talked about our lives, our work, and our dreams.
It felt like we had gone back to the days when she was tutoring me under the dim yellow light.
I knew that I still had feelings for her.
But we were both adults. We had our own lives and responsibilities.
I couldn't abandon my wife and children for her.
And she didn't want to destroy my family.
So, we maintained a tacit understanding and kept our feelings buried deep in our hearts.
We were like two parallel lines, destined to never intersect.
But I was content.
At least I knew that she was living a good life.
At least I knew that in this world, there was someone who cared about me and thought of me.
That was enough for me.
Sometimes, I would think, what if I had been braver back then?
What if I had disregarded everything and confessed my love to her?
Would our ending have been different?
But there are no "what ifs" in life.
Some people are destined to be missed.
Some feelings are destined to be buried.
But I will never forget that winter in 1985.
I will never forget the girl who asked me to help her add water to her bath.
She was the most beautiful scenery in my youth.
And she was the eternal white moonlight in my heart.
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